When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
