take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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