So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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