Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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