OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
