Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
