I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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