remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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