if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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