I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
