I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
