she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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