my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
