in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
