i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
