Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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