I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
