she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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