I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
