it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
