he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I look better un-naked...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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