i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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