So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
