Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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