i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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