My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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