i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
