I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
