oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
