guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
