There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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