YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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