dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
