i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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