so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
