Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
