if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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