Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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