also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
