If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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