Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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