Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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