i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
