I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
