I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
