I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
