Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
