I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
