it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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