I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
